The key to effective communication is to:

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• Listen well - it's usually more important than speaking

• Pay attention to your body language - it's often more important than what you say

• Use assertive skills - and avoid being aggressive or passive

 

 

Effective Communication

 

Communication is both simple and complex, easy to do, and easy to mess up.

 

There are several steps in the process of communicating. Things can go wrong at any of these stages: formulating the message we intend to send; the message we actually send; the message as the hearer interprets it; the response of the hearer based on what he or she heard; and our reaction to the exchange of words, meaning and interpretation.

 

We have to send, receive, and process huge numbers of messages every day of different types and this is expanding in our information age. Effective communication is therefore a skill worth learning.

 

Effective communication is about more than just exchanging information. It requires you to also understand the emotion behind the information.

 

It’s important to listen well, to recognise nonverbal signals (known as ‘body language’), and to comprehend your own feelings while communicating.

 

Communicating effectively can improve teamwork, decision-making, caring, and problem solving. This happens by enhancing relationships with others whether it is at home, at work, or in social situations. It enables you to communicate even negative or difficult messages without creating conflict or destroying trust.

 

Practical Tip: To communicate effectively recognise the importance of listening, and make listening a key part of your group’s culture. This is because when we confront difficult issues, listening is more important than speaking or any other form of expression.

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The other half of the equation to active listening is assertive expression - speaking and expressing what you think, feel or want in a clear, true and non-defensive way.

 

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Body Language

 

The human species communicates at least as much through body language as with words, perhaps more. This refers to things like facial expressions, eye contact and the stance or movements of arms, hands and legs.

 

Practical Tip: try to be aware of your own body language and what it might mean to others.

 

You can practice watching body language the next time you are involved in a conversation with a group of people, or even while you are watching television. Look at the body language of one of the listeners and consider how it might affect the speaker. Check out the speaker’s body language and see if it tells the same story as the words.

 

Body language can support effective communication. Examples include: an ‘open body stance’, sitting on the edge of your chair and focusing your eyes on the other person. The opposite effect can be achieved with body language such as: pointing with your index finger, wringing your hands, crossing your arms on your chest, and casting sideways glances.

 

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What to Avoid in Communication

 

There are ways that you can sabotage or block effective communication. These include things like:

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• Giving advice when it is not asked for.

• Arguing or disagreeing with the speaker, analysing or interrupting.

• Having a ‘me-too’ approach such as “That’s nothing, let me tell you what happened to me”. Statements like these make the speaker feel unheard.

• Being judgmental, moralising, or preaching at people. Others may say something that appears to offend your value system. Set aside the judgment so you can listen.

• Using meaningless consolation comments, such as “It’s going to be all right.”

• Asking a direct question to satisfy your curiosity. The speaker will share more information when and if ready.

 

Anger and Communication

 

You are bound to encounter feelings of anger and conflicts when working with groups of people. Anger is often a poorly understood emotion. It has a potent capacity to influence the effectiveness of communication between individuals and within groups.

 

Remember that anger can provide information and stimulate energy that can be used positively. It is also important to understand that other emotions, such as pain, fear, despair or frustration are often expressed as anger.

 

Practical Tip: It is worth learning how to express anger and how to receive it.

 

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Assertive Communication

 

Assertiveness means expressing your point of view in a way that is clear and direct, while still respecting others. Being assertive is different from being aggressive or using passive communication.

 

Communicating in an assertive manner can help you to minimise conflict, to control anger, to have your needs better met, and to have more positive relationships with friends, family and others.

 

It is a style of communication that many people struggle to put into practice, mostly because of confusion around exactly what it means.

 

People often confuse assertiveness with aggression because it involves sticking up for yourself, but the two are actually quite different.

 

Practical Tip: Assertiveness is not the same thing as being aggressive. It means expressing your point of view in a way that is clear and direct, while still respecting others. Communicating in an assertive manner can help you to minimise conflict, to control anger, to have your needs better met, and to have more positive relationships with colleagues, line managers, friends, family and others.

 

Learn the difference between assertiveness and aggression